Sunday, July 29, 2007
Today.Monday.
I love thrift stores.
I love Chueen Er for driving us around to source for items.
I love the Salvation Army lady for giving us a huge discount ater I bargained with her like a typical Obasan.
I love the lady at OLPS for giving me a huge discount.
I love cheap mamashop drinks that I can buy with 85cents. 7 Eleven should die.
Today.Sunday.
Finished my ComDa research by Friday and my Retail Proj branding mission today, so as not to let both teams of both subjects down.
I hate the feeling of feeling redundant/useless/outsider/bystander.
Hence, the urge to finish everything before I head out for the weekends.
I'm freaking tired.. Even on weekends I wake up at 8ish in the morning.
And I'm fucking busy with packing up my stuff.
MOVING HOUSE THIS SATURDAY!!
6 days more to a 3 month stay at granny's 3 room Cha Chee HDB, before moving in to my actual house.
Bloody swine.
3 room flat HOW THE FUCK TO SQUEEZE LAH.
Anyway..
Tomorrow is the start of another draining week.
With dread and anticipation, I wait..
Thursday, July 26, 2007
Today.Thursday.
Ok, it has been a rather rainy and cold week. I kinda like it this way though :)
Retail Proj is getting interesting :) first time we have everyone so excited and on about this project. Class was supposed to end at 1, but everyone left at 2 (except me, the lazy ass who left at 1.30 -smiles sheepishly- )!!
Never in the history of my ADM life have I ever encountered people willing to stay longer in class.
Everyone one is kinda fuzzy about how things are gonna be like, but lets hope everything turns out just fine, or even better!
One more week to moving out of my house. Goodbye terrace, hello HDB. Fuck lah. The only positive thing that I am getting out of this move is that my room will be bigger.. and my dad won't be around.
Things I wanna buy:
1) Phyto Phytocedrat Seb0-regulating shampoo
2) Catwalk Root Boost from Sasa/L'Oreal Professional Techni.Art
3) M.A.C Prep+Prime Skin
4) M.A.C bronze foundation
5) M.A.C Lipgloss Lipglass
Tuesday, July 24, 2007
Today.Tuesday.
I wanna buy a 'doctor's bag', but I can't find an affordable one!
Anyone seen bags like these and are not of cut-throat prices? Tell me!
Saturday, July 21, 2007
Today.Monday.
Start of a new block, both subjects are subjects I dread (yes, even retail proj.).
The whole bunch of us are going down to support Ovidia's new play, Hitting (on) women. And Jean came up with this fantastic idea of throwing (new) panties and flowers at Ovidia as a way to show our 'love'. Haha. Just don't throw bras with metal things. Don't want Ovidia to end up with multiple bruises.
They are becoming like a family to me. Everyone is psychotic in their own funny ways.
Moving on..
will I ever find HER, the ONE everyone talks about? how do you know when someone is THE ONE? A print on her forehead?
Today.Saturday.
I like this:
Running the Mizuno Wave 10km run tomorrow. Woohoo~
Thursday, July 19, 2007
Today.Thursday.
Andrea, Emily, Eleanor and I headed down to town after class.
Scenes from the "pool place":
The Preparation
The Strike
The funniest ending I have ever seen
Andrea looks like she fainted halfway or something haha. Funny lah dude..
Wednesday, July 18, 2007
Today.Wednesday.
In the end, we didn't go to Sentosa.
Anyway..
Happy 19th birthday to my dearest Ang :)
Make-up. That has been all that's on my mind.
And P.S anyone willing to teach me some basics?
Tuesday, July 17, 2007
Today.Tuesday.
I've decided what I want to do in future.
I want to be a makeup artist.
Please don't laugh.
Sunday, July 15, 2007
Today.Sunday.
I just came out to my mom the second time, but this time, my emotions are in control.
Despite my re-affirming that she is not the cause of my homosexuality, and that it is a gift from God, not a curse, she told me she is still unable to stop blaming herself for "how I turn out". I don't blame her, neither do I seek to change her. Time will heal and allow understanding.
But what is most interesting, is that my mom said that she has come to terms with the fact that I am gay, but she doesn't want me to lead a "homosexual lifestyle". She said that she is worried that my "new found friends" are of negative influence".
When asked to further elaborate, she said that gays=promiscuous sex.
I told her that there is no such thing as a "gay lifestyle". Yes, there are gays and lesbians who lead a promiscuous life, having multiple sex partners, but there are also morally upright gays and lesbians who believes in monogamy and don't sleep around.
I told her that my friends are definitely NOT a negative influence. Vid=bad influence?! She's probably one of the more positive influencing friend I ever known!
I told her that I do not want to lead a promiscuos life, and that I may be gay, but I'm a christian with values. And it doesn't mean that just because I am gay, it means that I hafta act a certain way.
But what affected me the most is the fact that what my mom perceives the gay community is exactly what many straight people feel about us!
The media and society does not potray us in a positive light. You read about gay teachers molesting or being involved in drugs or vices, and AIDS is on the rise in the gay community.. such news will not be published if the subject was of a straight man. Channel 5 also censores Ellen Degeneres shows, whenever she talks about the gay community. Things like how her partner, Portia, helped her when she was injured, was censored. Things like partners of many years were censored. Coming out topics were censored.
So the general public don't get to see any positive news about the community- that relationship can last as long, or even longer, than straight relationships; that the GLBT community is in no way any different that the straight community, or perverse and sexual.
Today.Saturday.
Went to school in the morning for Apel 3, which my lecturer playfully termed it as 'Apple Tree'.
Went to PPC with Shermain for a talk on 'A Gay's Perspective On Being A Christian' by Miak and Jamie.
The talk was interesting, but I wished they had talked about the 6 verses commonly use by Christians against homosexuality.
What I really agreed with was the sentiments shared by many, that straight christians are behaving just like the jews, towards the gentiles. We are deemed 'a lesser being' as compared to the 'righteous ones'.
Homophobic christians and homosexual christians are behaving just the way how the churches of Corinth and Ephesus in 1 Corinthians were described by Paul- in conflict.
Aren't we all believers in Christ? Aren't we all loved by God? Just because you say that God does not accept my sexuality does not equate him to be REALLY against it!
Men may say one thing but God might just have the exact opposite sentiments.
Christians are becoming more and more like Catholics. We listen to the pastor (like the pope) and his words are final. So if he says homosexuality is a sin, then we all agree and believe without a doubt that it is a sin.
But are not the words of men fallable? The bible is a book of love, yet christians have made it a book of law. For Christ did not come to be with the righteous, but he came to be with those who have been outcast. And in modern society, not only the homosexuals are the outcast!
In fact, christians have forgotten what they are comissioned to do: love one another, and help the poor and needy!
But instead christianity have turn its focus onto judging people and what is right, what is wrong, and forgotten all about the true meaning of being a christian!
Anyway, Shermain and I headed down to Orchard to shop and eat. And we sat outside British India, looking at the people passing by us. We had our gaydar on, and everytime we see someone or people whom we thought might be gay. And our signal to each other was the sound of a siren.
Gaydar.. siren.. get it?
And there are MANY.
Thursday, July 12, 2007
Today.Thursday.
I love Joh's scarf/shawl!
Oh and I found the picture of my chocolate 'prizes' from my dearest lecturer Clarissa Trudi. Damn I am such a fat greedy pig. But hell, 30mins on the treadmill is soooo worth the chocolates.
Met 2 friends outside school today after class. Both were going to the Butch Hunt 2007 at Zouk; asked me whether I wanna come along. Darn, can't lah, thursday nights are so NOT staying out nights. Mom will so kill me. Besides I dun really like such events.
Japanese listening test was crappy today.
And the only sentence in my entire Japanese vocabulary is:
"Pretty lady ga tottemo suki desu!" (I really like pretty lady/ies)
Haha so damn cheesy.
And crazy Jean suggested going to Sungei Buloh this sunday morning at 8.30am for nature trail. And Yan is keen on going. So is Ovidia.
I hate nature, I hate trails, I hate mosquitos, I hate waking up early.
Just imagine a bunch of lesbian ladies walking around at 8.30am in the forest. OH MY LORD (says it Andrea's way)
I AM WAITING FOR THE WEEKENDS!!!
Wednesday, July 11, 2007
Today.Wednesday.
Last night I came home and found a letter on the table. Inside it was a card that Amanda, Aretha and Xinyi sent to me, as a way of telling me that I'm still their friend.
It is funny how friends who have known each other for so many years, don't actually know each other well. I consider them my close friends, friends I grew up with in church.
In the card, there was an invitation to Church Of Our Saviour's homosexuality reperative programme.
It is so sad that many people still think that such reperative programmes work.
CHOICES, a reperative 'EX-GAY' programme, has caused depression and suicidal thoughts in many gay christians who have attended the programme. Instead of becoming what is deemed normal by the church leaders, gays only experienced an increasing sense of rejection by God and by the church when they realise that the programme has done nothing to 'change their sexual orientation'.
In reply, I wrote a 4 page letter to them, and I mailed it out this morning. I also attached a 26 pages article on the common 6 verses misquoted by christians against homosexuality.
The purpose of me doing what I did was not to try and convince them and change what they believe in. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion. Likewise I wouldn't like people forcing their ideas on me. But I did want to show them that there is alot more to homosexuality than what they know. They only think that homosexuality is wrong just because society and church says its wrong.. Blind followers? I don't know.
I miss my close friends, but what I regret is that they do not know who I am really, and they miss out on the many events in my life recently and many years back.
Sunday, July 08, 2007
Today.Sunday.
Went to FCC, then headed down to Jin's place for cell. Because we were early, Vid and I decided to head down to PS first.
Vid told me something real interesting, yet something I have talked about with Darran.
Anyway..
At cell, met Yan, who is currently studying in England but is back in town for summer break.. 28years old but looks damn unbelievably young (like my age!); got to know Steffi(?), who looks like a 45year old, female version of Ronald Stelzer (my adm coursemate and clubbing mate); and others.
Headed down to Bedok market with Yan for dinner with other Sayoni ladies. So I got to meet Kelly, Mel (Kelly's partner), Irene and Chris (yes, another Chris! But she is probably in her 40s).
Japanese skit in 5 days.. Eeeks.
Saturday, July 07, 2007
Today.Saturday.
Today is such an awesome day after such a dreadful week!!
~WooHoo!!
Morning: Woke up at 8ish, planned to have McDonalds breakfast. But the heavy downpour kept me home till 9ish.. Off to McDonalds!! (jumps around like a little kid)
Afternoon:Went to Robinsons to spend my $80 voucher. Ch**By*, the shirt I bought had its left sleeve torn!! And me being such a kukuhead didn't realise till I reached home! Thankfully my other 2 shirts were in good condition (plans complain letter to Robinsons)
Late Afternoon: Went down to Pelangi Pride Centre for the screening of 'Women who loves Women' documentary.
The Ya Kun Toast located on the first floor is a damn good place to cruise lah seriously! Like 70% of the customers when I went in were lesbians! Moreover all the nearby clubs/pubs are gay businesses. Or maybe because there is an event today-hence the influx of lesbians at Ya Kun.
It is so typical for Singaporeans to come late. Hence, instead of 4.30, the documentary only started at 5pm. Well well, what can I say.. The ladies gotta make up right..
The documentary was damn good. Seriously. If only it could be shown on national television..
Oh, oh.. And I met this really really pretty girl at the event! Her mom is damn cool lah, so supportive of the GLBT community. The girl said her aunt is the producer.. how cool is that?!
And I was trying real hard not to hyperventilate as we talked.. :D Was trying not to appear flirty cos her mom was just next to us talking to Vid, who is a friend of hers.
-Maintains cool, maintains cool..-
Besides her, I also got to know a couple of damn interesting people. One is a westerner writer for Lonely Planet (in case you have been living under a rock for the past 10 years, Lonely Planet produces travel guide books), the other is an Australian Chinese who travels to really cool places like Pakistan, India, China etc.. Also met Grace, who is a year older, currently studying law in London.
I'm getting so involved in my community, and the sense of belonging has grown tremendously and the loneliness is slowing but surely creeping away.
Friday, July 06, 2007
Today.Friday.
Today.. school was shitty.
Had this major moment of anger when someone said some real un-tactful words.
And I am counting down the number of days our group project will end- 7 days more.
I cannot comprehend nor fathom how some people can be so oblivious to the feelings of others. Being tactful is just part of everyone, is it not?
Anway, bitch fits over..
Now lets move on to..
Yay its the WEEKENDS!
Meeting Vid tomorrow afternoon at PPC (Pelangi Pride Centre), then going to FCC on Sunday morning, and meet the ladies in the afternoon. YAY!!~
Here is an upcoming event..
Isn't being gay and Christian incompatible?
Why are Christians so hung up about homosexuality?
What are the Church teachings on being gay?
What are the central church teachings?
Is it possible to be gay and Christian at the sametime?
Why am I gay?Seeing our sexuality as a gift, not a curse.
We have heard the many Christian perspectives on being gay, now it's time to hear a gay perspective on being Christian. Come join Miak & Jamie at Pelangi Pride Center -whether you are gay or straight, Christian or non-Christian - for a honest sharing from a few gayChristians.
Date - 14th July 2007Time - 4pmVenue - Pelangi Pride Centre @ Bianco
Cost per person: $6 (cost of 2 soft drinks and fingerfood)
To sign up, please email pelangipridecentre at yahoodot com with your name, contact number, the name/s ofyour guests.
How to get to Pelangi Pride Centre @ Bianco - 21Tanjong Pagar Road #04-01.Map -http://www.pelangipridecentre.org/contact/contact.htm
Thursday, July 05, 2007
Today.Thursday.
Today's post will probably bore some people. So if you are not interested in how people misinterpreted the Bible to use against homosexual christians, I'm sorry, please come back another day.
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What if someone asked you, “Is there a chance you could be wrong about the way you’ve interpreted the biblical texts sometimes used to condemn homosexual orientation?”
How would you respond?
What does it say about you if you answer, “No, I could NOT be wrong”?
Christians need to re-examine these texts— carefully and prayerfully. Lives hang in the balance.
There are far too many tragic stories of what happens when we fail to study these texts. Mark B. was a young man who accepted his sexual orientation “until he became a Christian” and was told on the basis of these texts that he couldn’t be both a Christian and a gay man. Mark committed suicide and wrote this suicide note to God:
“I just don’t know how else to fix this.”
If heroes of the Christian faith could change their minds about the meaning of certain biblical texts, shouldn’t we be prepared to reconsider our own interpretations of these ancient words when the Holy Spirit opens our minds and hearts to new truth?
In fact, the Bible accepts sexual practices that we condemn and condemns sexual practices that we accept. Lots of them! Here are a few examples.
• DEUTERONOMY 22:13-21
If it is discovered that a bride is not a virgin, the Bible demands that she be executed by stoning immediately.
• DEUTERONOMY 22:22
If a married person has sex with someone else’s husband or wife, the Bible commands that both adulterers be
stoned to death.
• MARK 10:1-12
Divorce is strictly forbidden in both Testaments, as is remarriage of anyone who has been divorced.
• LEVITICUS 18:19
The Bible forbids a married couple from having sexual intercourse during a woman’s period. If they disobey, both shall be executed.
• MARK 12:18-27
If a man dies childless, his widow is ordered by biblical law to have intercourse with each of his brothers in turn until she bears her deceased husband a male heir.
• DEUTERONOMY 25:11-12
If a man gets into a fight with another man and his wife seeks to rescue her husband by grabbing the enemy’s genitals, her hand shall be cut off and no pity shall be
shown her.
Over the centuries the Holy Spirit has taught us that certain Bible verses should not be understood as God’s law for all time periods. Some verses are specific to the culture and time they were written, and are no longer viewed as appropriate, wise, or just.
Often, the Holy Spirit uses science to teach us why those ancient words no longer apply to our modern times. During the last three decades, for example, organizations representing 1.5 million U.S. health professionals (doctors, psychiatrists, psychologists, counselors, and educators) have stated definitively that homosexual orientation is as natural as heterosexual orientation, that sexual orientation is determined by a combination of yet unknown pre- and post-natal influences, and that it is dangerous and inappropriate to tell a homosexual that he or she could or should attempt to change his or her sexual orientation.
Now what does the creation story say about homosexuality? (Genesis)
Because the text says it is “natural” that a man and a woman come together to create a new life, some people think this means gay or lesbian couples are “unnatural.” They read this interpretation into the text, even though the text is silent about all kinds of relationships that don’t lead to having children:
• couples who are unable to have children
• couples who are too old to have children
• couples who choose not to have children
• people who are single
Are these relationships (or lack of relationships) “unnatural”? There’s nothing said here that condemns or approves the love that people of the same sex have for each other.
Now let’s consider the second biblical text used by some people to condemn God’s gay children. You remember the ancient story of Sodom. First, what does the story of Sodom in Genesis 19 say about God?
Once again, this story is not primarily about sex. It is primarily about God. Some people say the city of Sodom was destroyed because it was overrun by sexually obsessed homosexuals.
In fact, the city of Sodom had been doomed to destruction long before. So what is this passage really about?
Jesus and five Old Testament prophets all speak of the sins that led to the destruction of Sodom—and not one of them mentions homosexuality. Even Billy Graham doesn’t mention homosexuality when he preaches on Sodom.
Listen to what Ezekiel 16:48–49 tell us: “This is the sin of Sodom; she and her suburbs had pride, excess of food, and prosperous ease, but did not help or encourage the poor and needy. They were arrogant and this was abominable in God’s eyes.”
Today, heterosexuals and homosexuals alike do well to remember that we break God’s heart when we spend all we earn on ourselves, when we forget the poor and hungry, when we refuse to do justice or show mercy, when we leave strangers at the gate.
Sodom was destroyed because its people didn’t take God seriously about caring for the poor, the hungry, the homeless, or the outcast.
But what does the story of Sodom say about homosexual orientation as we understand it today? Nothing.
It was common for soldiers, thieves, and bullies to rape a fallen enemy, asserting their victory by dehumanizing and demeaning the vanquished. This act of raping an enemy is about power and revenge, not about homosexuality or homosexual orientation. And it is still happening.
The sexual act that occurs in the story of Sodom is a gang rape—and homosexuals oppose gang rape as much as anyone. That’s why I believe the story of Sodom says a lot about God’s will for each of us, but nothing about homosexuality as we understand it today.
What do the two verses sometimes cited from Leviticus say about God?
Leviticus 18:6 reads: “You shall not lie with a male as one lies with a female. It is an abomination.” A similar verse occurs two chapters later, in Leviticus 20:13: “A man who sleeps with another man is an abomination and should be executed.”
On the surface, these words could leave you feeling rather uneasy, especially if you are gay. But just below the surface is the deeper truth about God— and it has nothing to do with sex.
Leviticus is a holiness code written 3,000 years ago. This code includes many of the outdated sexual laws we mentioned earlier, and a lot more. It also includes prohibitions against round haircuts, tattoos, working on the Sabbath, wearing garments of mixed fabrics, eating pork or shellfish, getting your fortune told, and even playing with the skin of a pig. (There goes football!)
So what’s a holiness code?
It’s a list of behaviors that people of faith find offensive in a certain place and time. In this case, the code was written for priests only, and its primary intent was to set the priests of Israel over and against priests of other cultures.
What about this word abomination that comes up in both passages? In Hebrew, “abominations” (TO’EBAH) are behaviors that people in a certain time and place consider tasteless or offensive. To the Jews an abomination was not a law, not something evil like rape or murder forbidden by the Ten Commandments. It was
a common behavior by non-Jews that Jews thought was displeasing to God.
Jesus and Paul both said the holiness code in Leviticus does not pertain to Christian believers. Nevertheless, there are still people who pull the two verses about men sleeping together from this ancient holiness code to say that the Bible seems to condemn homosexuality.
There are 3 more verses that I am not gonna add in. Basically, I wrote today's post for a friend who is struggling, and her church leader is making her confused.
S, I hope you read this, and stop feeling so bad about being yourself.
Tuesday, July 03, 2007
Today.Tuesday.
http://advocate.com/exclusive_detail_ektid46979.asp
June 29, 2007
Leaders of ex-gay programs apologized to LGBT people in a press conference and called on other leaders to do the same
By Michelle Garcia
As the director of an ex-gay ministry in Hayward, Calif., Darlene Bogle appeared on shows like Sally Jesse Raphael, Jerry Springer, and 48 Hours to tell people that being gay is "curable."
She wrote several articles and two books—Long Road to Love and Strangers in a Christian Land—about being an ex-gay and held workshops on the subject.
In 1990, Bogle met Des, who was attending one of her ex-gay workshops, and sensed instantly that God bought them together.
Within weeks Bogle was asked to step down from her leadership position at the Foursquare Church and she was removed from the Exodus ministry.
Bogle, joined by former ex-gay ministers Jeremy Marks and Michael Bussee, held a press conference on June 27 at the Los Angeles Gay and Lesbian Center with Soulforce and Beyond Ex-Gay to apologize for exposing LGBT Christians to such indoctrination.
"Although we acted in good faith, we have since witnessed the isolation, shame, fear, and loss of faith that this message creates," Bussee said, speaking for the group.
"We apologize for our part in the message of broken truth we spoke on behalf of Exodus and other organizations."
Bussee, the cofounder of Exodus International, said that he was a devout evangelical who started the ex-gay movement in the 1970s out of his own self-hate.
Eventually he and another cofounder, Gary Cooper, left the group and their wives to be together and happy. He has been critical of Exodus ever since.
In 1986, Marks became a member of a ministry in the United Kingdom where he met other gay Christians mired in the same struggle to be straight. He headed several ex-gay programs, including Courage U.K., and later became president of Exodus International Europe.
By 2000, Marks abandoned the ex-gay theories and transformed Courage U.K. into a gay-affirming evangelical ministry. Ex-gay survivor Eric Leocadio was on hand to witness the official apology in Los Angeles.
As a high school freshman Leocadio ingested two fistfuls of pills, hoping to kill himself so that he would not have to struggle with his sexual orientation. "When I survived," said Leocadio, now 31,
"I realized that God wasn't done with me. There was so much more that God had planned for me."
But his journey of self-acceptance was arduous.
After his suicide attempt Leocadio became a devoted Christian and used his spirituality to stifle his same-sex attractions. At 26 he ended up at the Desert Stream Ministries in Anaheim, Calif., where he underwent an intensive ex-gay program to heal his "brokenness" (along with masturbators, prostitutes, and fellow gays), yearning to live a straight and "normal" life.
"I received a lot of mixed signals from the church," he said. "Everyone gets unconditional love from God but only conditional love from the church, based on the concept of `wholeness.' "
Leocadio left Desert Stream in 2004 when he realized the promise of an ex-gay life devoid of same-sex attraction wasn't true.
It became clear to him that one could not just shed sexuality and that he would have to devote the rest of his life to praying against his sexual urges.
The following year Leoncadio started his TwoWorldCollision blog to document the conflict between being gay and being Christian; his posts have been known to move people to tears and inspire e-mail responses from around the world.
"I wanted to get to the point where I owned my belief," he said. "What I knew about Christianity was the only thing I was taught. I decided to take a step back and learn more. I met other gay Christians who had a genuine faith and love for God. Through meeting them, I have been able to truly learn the love of God and own it for myself."
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Garcia is The Advocate's editorial assistant.
Sunday, July 01, 2007
Today.Sunday.
Thurs
Went to Partyworld KTV with the IM girls. OMG ELE and MIN can sing chinese songs!?!? I love the last song.. Spice Girls' STOP! We were jumping on the sofa, on the floor, like a group of mentally ill patients.
Sat
What the hell was with last night?!?! Both Play and Taboo had super uber long queues! Like wtf?!
Had to queue for an hour to enter Play. Had to queue for another hour to enter Taboo.
And these were all re-entries alone!
I think the whole queer community was at Tanjong Pagar yesterday.. First time the place was JAMMED PACK.
And this gay guy touched me! Agrr! Agrr! I'm NOT a guy!
When he realised I have breasts, he was like "Oh sorry, oh sorry!" and quickly walked away.
Agrr!!
Sunday
Let me tell you about the false god that I've been worshipping.
Let me tell you about the graven image that I've been bowing in front of, and been paying homage to, and serving with my every breath.
The idol that I've been calling "God" all these years is an all-knowing God.
Now you'll probably tell me that the God that I thought I was worshipping - the one true God - is all-knowing.
That very well may be, but this "God" of mine is not all-knowing in a kind, sympathetic, loving, etc. manner.
My 'god' is all-knowing in an exacting, accusing, vindictive, and condemning way.
The idol that I've been calling "God" all these years is all-knowing in order to shame and ridicule me for every error - intended or not - and every misspoken word.
This god of mine digs in to me in order to mine self-doubt and self-hate, and to refine a sense of worthlessness - both worthless to others, let alone to myself.
The idol that I've been calling "God" all these years is demanding.
He demands perfection, even though he knows that I'm anything but perfect.
He demands that I never question him about anything. Life is all predestined . . . get over it.
He demands that I never question his lackeys here on earth, in spite of the fact that they are usually under-educated loudmouths; more full of themselves than even the idol whose "will" they somehow think that they're qualified to mediate to the world.The idol that I've been calling "God" enjoys punishing - both physically and emotionally.
Don't believe in him? "Go to hell, then."
Struggle with the ups and downs of being a human? "You're too weak. You're too lazy. You're not 'spiritual' enough (whatever that means)."
The idol that I've been calling "God" can, however, pay-off like a Vegas slot machine. Need extra money this month because you wrecklessly overspent? Need a spectacular sign from above telling you whether to order the chicken or the fish at the restaurant? Need a good parking spot at a busy shopping mall? Want to change the very make-up of who you are?
Want to change your sexuality? Need an exodus - a way out - a "get out of gay free" card? Well, well, well . . . here's what you do. Pray real hard . . . I mean really, really hard . . . close your eyes . . . wish real hard . . . and if you believe good enough (strange as the wording is, it is deliberate) you'll get your wish.
You will have worked the system known as "God." Do everything just right, and you too will hit the holy jackpot; you'll get your miracle. You say that you've done all that and you've still not hit the jackpot?
Well my friend, that's your fault. You didn't believe right. Your faith wasn't strong enough. Remember, it's your fault.
The idol that I've been calling "God" is hateful.
Now, I know that his followers (lackeys) do a great song-and-dance about how "God is love," and "God loved the world so much that he gave . . . ," but he seems to hate anyone who isn't like his polyester poster children.
People who have made a mess of their lives don't seemed welcome in those circles. Neither do people who might disagree with them about politics, social issues, or how the Bible should be understood. And gays or lesbians being welcome??? Excuse me!
The idol that I've been calling "God" doesn't like me (or people like me) . . . doesn't welcome people like me . . . doesn't want people like me . . .
I now know that I've been worshipping an idol. I've been worshipping a God whose attitudes are like those of my family and the church I grew up in.
I've been worshipping a God who holds the same toxic attitudes and view of myself that I hold - thoughts that are simply my continuation of the cruelty that I was subjected to as a child.
I've been worshipping a God who could never love me.
I've been worshipping a God that I never have nor never would present to anyone else as God. The God I share with others is the never-ending source of love, kindness, mercy, peace, forgiveness, and unconditional acceptance.
The God that I share with others welcomes, supports, and blesses all.I've been worshipping something other than the true God.
Maybe it's time to get rid of the idols and get a new God . . . the true God.
It is only in recent times that I have finally realised, and come to terms and understanding, of accepting ME for ME.
So many Christians, if not all, have been telling me that Homosexuality is a sin.
Jesus had just spoken what the disciples characterized as a difficult teaching. Many who had been following Him as He taught left the path of faith and gave up on the whole Jesus thing.
Jesus turns to His disciples - the twelve - and asks them if they were going to leave Him, too.
The pain and hurt seem to ring out in His question. The response that Jesus gets?
"Lord, to whom shall we go? You alone have the words of life."
... And I say, ever so quietly, "To whom shall I go? You alone have the words of life."
The words of life are in the message of a God who loves His whole creation enough to come on down here, make Himself known, and even experience human physical and emotional suffering.
This is the God I have always believed in - these are the words of life.
This is the central belief of the Christian faith, not the other stuff that people focus on (esp. the "Focus on the Family" crowd).
God does know how I feel . . . how I struggle . . . God will not abandon me in the midst of all this emotional work I'm going through in life, and all.
God will see me through it all and I will feel better about it all someday.
Man will tell me that God does not accept my 'lifestyle'.
(hello, please define my lifestyle, all you hypocritical christians. stop acting like holy saints on a crusade and wearing a mask of innocence to church every sunday!)..
But who will I listen to? Man? Or the God I know approves of me, loves me FOR (not despite) my sexuality, and has made me PERFECT?
Sorry for being so dark for this blog post. So many things and emotions have been in my head.